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Public Awareness: Kanser Payudara

Assalamualaikum and Hello This time I will write in Malay; so, Malay it is! “Akak ada breast cancer, stage 3 dah..” “Tahun lepas...

Thursday, December 15, 2016



Diri ini, pendosa.
Diri ini, tiada lagi yang memimpin.
Aku, ingin berubah.
Ya Allah, aku mahu berubah.
Tapi aku tak kuat, bersendirian dalam perubahan ini.
Aku lenturkan hati, didik hati ini agar kembali lembut.
Perlahan tapi pasti.
Aku tahu, disebalik ujian dari Allah dan kesabaran yang dititip, pasti ada ganjarannya.
Dan aku tahu, disetiap cemuhan ejekan itu semestinya ada imbuhan baik bagiku.

Segala kata-kata hikmah, pesan dan nasihat, aku genggam kemas dan jadikan panduan agar diri ini tak lagi terpesong.
Sesungguhnya aku takut akan azabMu, Ya Allah.
Kau jauhkanlah aku dari sifat riak, sombong dan bakhil.
Aku bersyukur dengan segala pemberian, ujian dan dugaan dari Mu.
Aku redha Ya Allah.

Kecintaan ini kian menebal setelah aku lalui dugaan itu.
Tiada cinta yang lebih hebat melainkan cinta pada Mu.
Maka aku bermohon agar kau ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku, dosa-dosa suamiku, dosa-dosa ibu bapaku, dosa-dosa ahli keluargaku, dosa-dosa guru-guruku dan dosa-dosa seluruh hamba Mu Ya Allah.
Dikala aku perlukan kekuatan untuk terus istiqamah, bantulah aku Ya Rahman.
Dikala aku dicengkam rindu padanya, kau ingatkanlah aku agar lebih rindu pada Mu Ya Rahim.
Kerana sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Mendengar dan Maha Mengetahui setiap sesuatu. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

An Ignorant Lady

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

There is one lady in this office building that I might say as ‘sombong’. Yea sombong. Not friendly, even when I was asking for help – she would help macam tak ikhlas, all the time. 
Oh well. But I don’t really mind.

One morning I was checking my consignments and she; surprisingly seems VERY friendly. Super friendly.

Friendly like; oh hi how are you today, beli apa tu, you pakai perfume ape ni I love it, bla bla bla..

And I was awkward. I don’t know how to react. 
In my mind I was thinking – eh wait is she talking to me or someone else, kena rasuk jadi baik ke perempuan ni, ni nak jawab acah acah sombong balik ke nak jadi nice; but of course I treated her nicely walaupun before this dia sombong nak mati.

Let me just call her Miss X.

Miss X: You nak tengok lipstick tak? I ada jual, dengan perfume sekali.
Me: Lipstick? What lipstick?
Miss X: Ada few brands la, jom let me show you.
Me: Now? Boleh ke?
Miss X: Bolehhhh (grab my hand to the mail room)
Me: Danggg dia ni baik bersebab ke. Baik sebab nak promote bisnes.

She showed me some of the lip color that she got, all fake items if you ask me. 
Alah macam mekap murah murah yang orang jual kat booth kecik-kecik tu.

I’m not using fake products.
While going thru (acah acah interested) the lipsticks, I imagined sore lips and redness and itchiness if I use them.

Miss X: You nak tak? I jual 1 RM15 je.
Me: Yea.. I’m taking this one (picking up one lipcolor, randomly. Just because I want to escape from the awkwardness).
Miss X: Oh nice.. You nak tengok warna warna lain tak.
Me: Ehh takpe takpe. I memang cari warna ni pun by the way. So, I’ll take this one.
Miss X: (Happily) Ohh thank you. Thank you so much!

I could be mean or ignorant back to her and treat her like how she treated me before. But I chose to be nice like nothing happened. 

I got all the power to decline her offer and say something didn't nice but I chose to maintain my poise and be good to her.

It is because, just because you can, it doesn't mean that you have to.

And at least, I support her business and put a smile on her face that day.

I wish her success in everything she do. 

Ps: Some might be asking what am I going to do with the fake lip color that I bought. 
Well, I will use them in my paintings. 
Serious. No joke.

Pss: I am a NARS girl and they have the best lipstick everrr.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Year Two

Happy second wedding anniversary, sayang.

I am so proud to be your wife. 

I love you and will always be. 

Awak nak pergi umrah naik motor ni? 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Braces: Tooth Extraction

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I’m a braces girl for a month now (yeayyy). Well, i can definitely see some changes, despite the pain and discomforts that it brings.

Soft pink for the first month. 

The most prominent part is my front teeth is now aligned. They used to be slightly overlapped; like one was a bit high and one was normal. From frontal view my teeth may seems normal but from lateral view you may see this one front teeth macam senget ke atas.

But not anymore. They are perfectly aligned right now and I am thankful for that.

My orthodontic treatment started on the 13th October 2016. Before that I went for teeth scaling and x-ray first then only my dentist put this metal wires on. To tell you the truth, the whole procedure was painless. 

Yup, I didn’t feel any pain at all when she glued the whole brackets and tie wires with elastic bands; no pain, just slight discomfort because I need to keep my mouth open for quite some times.

I only felt the pain when I reached home and danggg I can’t even close my mouth properly. It was like the upper and lower teeth cannot even touch each other and my gums were sore. One thing that I noticed too was I produced a lot; lotsss of saliva. It was because the brain thought there were foods inside my mouth so the brain send signals to the salivary gland to produce saliva and digest those foods. 
It was braces, brain; not food. This continues to happen for a week before my whole system can finally getting used to this new introduction thingy.

For the first couple of weeks I skipped mastication process and only rely on soft foods like bubur nasi or nestum or mushroom soups. And I lost 3kgs.

Now after four weeks, I came back to the dental clinic for tooth extraction. Yea, some orthodontist prefer tooth extraction before putting on braces but mine prefer tooth extraction after putting braces on. 
The reason why? Because teeth starts to loosen few weeks after braces installation and that makes extraction process easier. Cool?

So in my case, I need to extract four teeth. Four strong, healthy teeth needs to be taken out.

I decided to take it nice and slow – one tooth per visit instead of taking out four teeth in one go; merely because the idea of taking teeth out from my gums makes me jittery that’s all.  
Yesterday was the day. I was nervous like out-of-this-world punya nervous. 
And just for the record, I drove to the clinic all alone; me myself and I; no one was with me; but Him. Well I think I deserve a pat on my shoulder for that brave act, isn’t it?

So the nurse called out my name. HANIS. Yes, nurse!
I came in and I took a glimpse at the dentist. Oh my, it was a male dentist. Should I postponed my appointment? Because I’m afraid of male dentist. My mind-set all these years was dentist equals to painful, terrifying experience and male dentists double that equation.

I nervously said hi and act cool by asking which teeth are you going to extract, doc? He explains this and that, dos and don’ts very calmly and slowly like he can smell my nervousness.
And to cut it short, he gave me two shots of local anesthesia and few seconds later my mouth was numb and that was when he took out my premolar. Tak sampai seminit pun dah tertanggal. Easy?

But bloods was going cray cray.

Dah ke, doc?

Dah, dah. Siap, tu gigi awak atas tray. Lepas ni gigit je kapas jangan kumur jangan makan makanan panas-panas jangan bla bla bla bla~

He didn’t noticed that I was having a sentimental moment with my teeth yang dah kena cabut tu. Thank you gigi sebab teman kita selama ni. You have done a wonderful job, my gigi.

I went out from the treatment room and pay some cash and straight away go back home.
No pain. Even after six hours, I didn’t felt any pain. Even after 12 hours, still no pain.

So I can conclude that tooth extraction procedure is not painful at all.
But that doesn’t change my mind. I still prefer to extract my teeth one by one walaupun cabut gigi ni tak sakit pun.

Next appointment will be this week; to extract my right lower premolar.  

Wish me luck, people! 


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Random photo from my gallery.

A friend told me about a new condominium in Serdang that they open for sale for a dirt cheap price. It sounds very tempting, super cheap that I was interested at first. But then, nah, not going to give it yes.

"You can just buy it for property purpose maa.. no need to stay there at all. Or you can rent it to other tenant"

Still, no-go.

I love my current house so much and maybe I will consider for another property, especially a duplex; but not for this time being.

Hazeeq's update: His paed Dr Syed told me that I can start feed him with solid food anytime soon. How time flies. He's a big guy now and doing great. Mommy and daddy love you so much, son. Your laughter and smile makes me happy. I literally forget about the world when I have you in my arms. You are my world now.
Syukur Alhamdulillah.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Because when we travel, we travel in style.

Pictures taken while we were at the Departure Hall KLIA. 

Friday, November 4, 2016

New Spectacle, Finally

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Yesss finally I made up my mind! After six loyal years with my humble spectacle, I finally go out and buy a new one for me.

My old spectacle has been with me since my final year in the university and the husband has told me soooo many times that it is about time to go for a change. But lazy Hanis procastinate a lot and I think the old one still can be use so I keep on using it.

Until recently I got a serious light headedness and vertigo and my mom assume that could probably related to my vision.

Mungkin juga, because the last time I went for refraction test was, well, six years ago.

And yesterday I picked up my son and my mom and we went out for spec-hunting! Look at how adamant I was.

Cut it short, yup DV OD OS has went higher and that means the lenses might be thicker. But the hardest thing was- choosing the right frame for my face. Sigh.

I have a wide, round face and I cant go for huge round frames that are currently in trend. Nope, not going to be a fashion victim I am. But yah, retro frames are so in right now, you know, k-pop kind of style.

So, I finally decided to go with this:

This is the best that I could find lol. 

Bought at Whoosh Optical, and it can be done in only 30 minutes. How cool is that?


Sunday, October 30, 2016

My HanChee

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

October 28 was a sad day. My 5-years old guinea pig that I love the most has died. HanChee, the guinea pig that has been with me in every important events in my life has finally left me. We have been together for so long, since I was still studying, we went through ups and downs and he has never fails to make me laugh every single day. 

HanChee and PaJoe, kesayangan mommy. HanChee and PaJoe nampak segala kesedihan, kegembiraan mommy, selalu buat mommy gembira. 
Mommy harap kita boleh jumpa lagi nanti ye kesayangan mommy :)

From JB to Shah Alam, from Shah Alam to Serdang (with Bohan), and back to JB again. Then we moved to Ara Damansara and then Kelana Jaya and finally we moved to our own house here. 
What a journey, kan? 

Tak ada lagi suara HanChee menjerit pagi-pagi mintak makan. I'll miss you.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Public Awareness: Kanser Payudara

Assalamualaikum and Hello

This time I will write in Malay; so, Malay it is!

“Akak ada breast cancer, stage 3 dah..”
“Tahun lepas saya dah buang sebelah payudara, sekarang ni masih lagi follow up dengan oncologist.”
“Lemahnya badan lepas buat chemoteraphy. Tak larat rasanya.” 
“Takut sangat bila doktor cakap nak buat masectomy.”

Reaksi kita bila dengar orang cakap macam tu? Macam-macam.
Ada yang terkejut, ada yang terdiam, ada yang tak faham. Ada yang menyalahkan, tuduh menuduh.

“Itulah dulu taknak jaga kesihatan.”
“Dulu taknak breastfeed anak eh? Orang cakap kalau tak breastfeed anak nanti senang dapat breast cancer.”
“Betul ke ni? Muda-muda lagi dah ada kanser payudara? Suami cakap apa?”

Dan percayalah, tak ada satu orang pun di dunia ni yang menadah tangan memohon supaya Tuhan bagi dia kanser.

Kalau dulu, kita cakap yang kanser ni selalu serang orang tua, warga emas, orang umur 40-an, umur 50-an; tapi sekarang ni, semua tu nak kena revised balik.

Tapi untuk post kali ni saya nak focus pada kanser payudara. Breast cancer. Selalu sangat terjadi sekarang ni, selain kanser rahim, kanser paru-paru, dengan kanser kolorektal.

“Saya muda lagi, takkan lah dapat kanser?” Kata seorang perempuan berumur 32 tahun, dengan anak seorang.
Faktor usia tu dah tak pelik dah sekarang ni. Orang berumur 20-an pun boleh dapat kanser. Kenapa?

Penyebab-penyebab breast cancer ni kita boleh bahagikan into 2 category: non-modifiable (tak boleh ubah) dengan modifiable (boleh diubah) risk factor.

Non-modifiable risk factors:
1.       Wanita. Yup, memang pernah ada kes orang lelaki didiagnos dengan kanser payudara tapi peratusan dia kecil je. Very little. Benda ni sering berlaku di kalangan kaum wanita mainly because we have those hormones estrogen dan progesterone yang boleh promote breast cancer cell growth.

2.       Genes. Genes dalam Bahasa melayu apa eh? Ada certain inherited MUTATED genes macam BRCA1 dengan BRCA2 yang kita boleh warisi dari parent kita. Tak faham? Ok.
Dalam sel normal (sihat), BRCA1 & BRCA2 ni fungsi dia untuk elakkan sel kanser dari terus membiak.
Tapi kalau dua genes ni (BRCA1 & BRCA2) dah mengalami mutasi, instead of elakkan sel kanser dari membiak, dia tak boleh buat apa-apa lagi dan tak boleh halang pun abnormal cell growth tu.
Dan yang paling menarik, kanser payudara yang disebabkan oleh mutasi ni selalu terjadi pada wanita yang lebih muda. Take note and jaga sikit hati orang muda yang menderita kanser ni. Jangan melulu tanya ehhh kenapa kau boleh jadi macam ni kau kan muda lagi apa dosa yang kau dah buat dulu babe? No.

Ada banyak lagi mutated genes yang boleh leads to cancer tapi dua ni paling common.

3.       Sejarah keluarga (family history). Risiko lebih tinggi kalau ada first-degree relative (mak atau kakak kandung) yang ada breast cancer.

Ok tu non-modifiable risk factors yang paling utama. I think.

Modifiable risk factors! Yang ni banyak related to gaya hidup dengan personal behavior anda.
1.       Berat badan berlebihan. Terutamanya selepas menopause. Kenapa lepas menopause? Ok.

Ingat lagi estrogen? Badan perempuan hasilkan estrogen. Bahagian mana yang hasilkan estrogen? Ovari dan tisu lemak. Tapi paling banyak ovari yang hasilkan hormone ni. Tapiiii bila dah menopause, ovari dah stop functioning, pencen lah. So siapa yang masih lagi hasilkan estrogen (walaupun sikit)?

Yup, fat tissue tadi tu.

Semakin banyak fat tissue dalam badan, semakin tinggilah kandungan estrogen. Semakin banyak fat tissue dalam konteks ni maksudnya semakin gemuk. So, kandungan estrogen yang tinggi dalam badan boleh tingkatkan risiko breast cancer. Itu satu.

Satu lagi ialah, kandungan insulin dalam darah dikalangan wanita overweight pun berkemungkinan tinggi. Higher insulin level leads to cancer juga.

2.       Faktor lain: penggunaan oral contraceptives, pengambilan terapi hormone selepas menopause, kurang bersenam, merokok semua ni pun boleh jadi penyebab (trigger).

“Oh hai, rasa-rasa macam ada yang ada kaitan la dengan saya. Nak buat macam mana eh? Takutnya.”

Screening, babe. Tu penting. Buat mammogram. It is the best way to detect breast cancer earlier. Lebih awal dapat detect, lagi senang nak cure. Ingat balik point yang kita highlight tadi: Cancer is preventable (and curable).

Kedua, self check masa mandi. Masa mandi tu, massage breast slowly, one by one and cuba check kalau rasa macam ada lump ke, rasa sakit bila sentuh/ tekan ke, ada discharge keluar dari puting ke, anything. Anything abnormal. Simptom lain? Bengkak pada payudara, perubahan bentuk payudara, perubahan pada puting payudara, ada ketulan pada payudara atau pada bawah ketiak, dan rasa sakit. Kalau ada, sila refer balik paragraph atas.

Jadi, tolonglah; tolong beranikan diri pergi buat screening kalau anda rasa anda berisiko. Para suami pun, tolong berikan sokongan yang tak berbelah bagi kepada isteri anda sekiranya isteri anda ada simptom-simptom tadi. Kalau kita dapat kesan kanser tu dari awal, Insya Allah kita boleh rawat. Tapi kalau dah teruk, dah merebak ke tempat lain (metastasize), proses rawatan pun boleh jadi lebih mencabar. Jangan biarkan.

“Ok, nak buat screening. Tapi kat mana boleh buat?”
Hospital. Tak kisah hospital kerajaan ke swasta ke semua boleh. Just, go.

Dan saya doakan semoga Allah berikan penyembuhan pada semua pejuang kanser dan kurangkan kesakitan yang mereka alami. Amin.  

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

My Dream Kitchen

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Dining table on point.

I love those chairs and minimal design of the table. It allows everything on it to really pop out and looks pretty.

Beautiful orchids. Heart it so much!

Now foods can be served straight away after cook!

Anddd still searching for the right sofa. 

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Against Me

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I have received a lot of compliments these days. And a lot of encouragement too. Basically, things like 'I adore your strength' 'You are one brave girl' 'You are strong' 'Keep that spirit up' and so many more. 

I have to admit that those compliments somehow feeds my alter ego. It feeds the other side of Hanis. For all I wanted to do is break down and weep and being sad; I hide them and put my chin up instead. Were they all good? 


Because in the end of the day, I am becoming the real me and I am battling with my real emotion. I bury myself with workloads and make myself busy with my small business but during bedtime, during my way back home, my mind slipped away to the past. The urge to hold you tight getting stronger each day. God knows how intense those feelings were. 


So many things. Love songs, empty seat, row of shops, the smell of pastries, road lights, busy highway, icecream and name it all. And now I am a changed person. I have a stone-cold heart, super wild mind, and I stripped off most of my innocent thinking away and I build bullet proof walls up high and keep my loved ones inside. 
I could be sweet to the others; superficially but ultimately, I couldn't care less. 

Yup, my surrounding changed me. I am stronger and more focused. Focus only to the good things. 
To the good people, not to the act-nice-in-front-of-hanis kind of human. My main focus would totally be my son. Family. Career. 
Thank you Allah for everything.

And I am an adult now. Full-grown woman with my own unique mission. I have mouth to feed and at the same time I'd love to remain poised and classy. 
I work hard, I really want to bring my small business up to another level, and I know what I want. 
My son deserves nothing but only the very best. 

All that I need is strength. I still remember those days when I put my hands together and pray for strength. And He gave me strength. I think I'll gone mad if I have to endure all these without strength. Thank you Allah. I pray for a brave heart, strength that no one could break me, and a soft; loving touch that could heal my loved ones sadness. 


I do hope that I could inspire the other women as well. I am not perfect. No one are. 
Saying you are perfect and the most perfect person in this world is like- Hello, kau ingat kau Tuhan? Tiada yang sempurna melainkan Dia. 
And with these imperfections that I have, together with the courage that I have shown, I do hope it could spark those 'fire' in our heart and make the flames bigger and brighter; until it reveals the other side of you that you never know and tells that you are stronger that what you think. 

Because we are all in a battlefield with our own different fights. 

So be your own hero. 

Have faith, be strong. 

To whoever who read this, I pray for all the good things for you; regardless of who you are and I mean it. 

Hence the peace.

*Peaceee* :)

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Hashtag Team Braces

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

So I finally made it! Welcome to the braces club, Hanis.

This has been in my bucket list for soooo many years. It's just that I didn't have the gut to do it. 

I did it, Hizami. I am doing this for you, love! Thank you for your encouragement. You always influenced me to be better. I love you so much!

I decided to go for this orthodontic treatment at Klinik Pergigian Zubaidah, Seksyen 18 Shah Alam. One of my friend went there before, and there's a lot of reviews about the place in the internet and the doctor is very gentle and soft - extremely important (for me).

Consultation is free. The doctor will examine your teeth and gums condition and explain about the whole procedure before you decide for a go or no go.   

Cut the story short; earlier this morning I went there (alone) and serah diri :D

Nope, it's not painful at all. 

And yes, I am so proud of myself. This is for you, husband :) 

Syukur alhamdulillah. 

Saturday, October 8, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Finally I got this me-time (le baby is sleeping).

Maybe you can tell that I am currently busy with furnitures and electrial appliances for my new house. And nope, I haven't buy any new sofa yet (still using our old loyal fabric sofa) because I can't find the one yet! Look at how picky I am!

And last week my mama and me went to Harvey Norman and mind you, the price was insane. RM20k? Nah, I rather spend the money for something else. Investment maybe.

But somehow, I kinda love one of the fridge they have there. Electrolux, with black mirror outer surface so I can look at myself while cooking lol. And it was huge! So huge I think I can fit in there. Price? RM5k. Ok la for the size.

It doesn't mean that I am going to take it home. The one that husband bought for me is still my fav :) thank you husband.

So I will keep on hunting for a new sofa; preferably leather sofa. Goodluck Hanis!

Lots of love, 
Mommy :)

Friday, October 7, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello,

My husband once told me;

"Awak, my friend cakap I beruntung. Orang lain susah payah kahwin tapi ada yang bercerai berai. Ada yang si isteri dah tak sayang suami lagi. Ada yang si isteri curang dengan suami. Ada pulak orang yang nak sangat kahwin tapi belum ada jodoh. Ada orang yang sakit, sorang-sorang je takde siapa jaga. Tapi I, Allah bagi I bidadari. Yang jaga I, sayang I, teman I. Awaklah bidadari kita. Untungnya I."

I was speechless. And tears falls down. 

I am nothing but a woman who truly loves you; di dunia, di akhirat.

Thursday, October 6, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Me - Mama, kakak nak bawa Hazeeq pergi Japan musim bunga tahun depan.
Mama - Eh tunggulah sampai dia besar sikit. So nanti dia ingat kenangan dia pergi sana. 

Sounds right.

But the problem is I am soooo in the mood for holiday. I want to fly somewhere. I really want to. 

Dapat pergi Sabah pun jadi lah. 

Escapism is inevitable. 

And it will be more consequential when we do it with the person that is so dear to our heart :)

Mommy and daddy loves you sayang! 
Semoga membesar dengan sihat, bijak, ceria dan semoga Hazeeq menjadi anak yang soleh, sentiasa membahagiakan orang tua, berani, kuat semangat dan sayang pada Rasulnya. Amin :)

I love being a mother. Even though I am not a full time mom, but I love having quality time with my son at home. Every drive back home from office is so exciting because i miss him so much! I love you, son. 

Baby update: Hazeeq is 4 months. Achievement? He can roll over by himself, can turn back by himself, now trying to crawl, loves to mumble and super huggable kissable squeezable and wins mommy's heart all the time. 

Thank you Allah for all your gifts. I could not ask for more.

Sunday, October 2, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I just came back home from 1Utama. Am so tired and it feels heavenly to have the chance to just chill here at home. Alhamdulillah.

Well actually I met an insurance agent just now. I have been looking for the best insurance coverage / medical card + savings for my son since couple of months ago. Yep can't deny how important those things are thus explains why I only will pick the very best. In terms of savings, I have created one account under his name since he was only 2 weeks young. And I still remember the banker's face when I told her that I would like to open a new saving account for my son and I'd like to start with RM10k. Why not?

Syukur alhamdulillah for everything. 

I am one happy mother :)

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

September Twenty First

Assalamualaikum and hello :)

I need to hit the gym again. Need to be more consistant; because normally I would just be lazy at home after work. Out of energy. And, I prefer to spend time with my son rather than to lift. Purrr :)

I am 5f3'; approximately 160cm. 
Pre pregnancy body weight was 55kg. 
During pregnancy was 65kg.
And currently weights at X kg.
Lol. Wait till I finally achieve my target. 

I didnt aim for skinny figure. In fact, I aim for a fit and curvy build. That explains why I did a lot a lot a lot of strength training to build up my core and flexibility.


Well, a bit lah. My two faves: cycling and rowing. Yasss!

Way to go Hanis!

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Motilium and Me

Assalamualaikum and hello :)

It has been a while. I was a bit busy and surprisingly this busy-ness are making me happy! 

Hazeeq is now 3 months old and he can roll over now yeayy! Last week we met his pead, Dr Syed for vaccination and my baby was not crying even a bit! Look at that brave spirit! 

Even the doctor says eh biar betul tak nangis awak ye? Lol.

And I took the opportunity to ask him about motilium. My breastmilk supply is decreasing so I need to do something. Previously I met a doctor from my company's panel clinic and he refuse to give me any medication to improve my milk production - and left me all sad and hopeless by saying "there are some women who cannot produce breastmilk for their offsprings and maybe you are just one of them. It's ok, you can feed your baby formula, as formula is also good too bla bla bla" My heart literally falls apart! 

I am not going to quit without even trying.  Dr Syed is so kind he prescribed me with 2 weeks motilium and i am sooo happy! 

Let's put our fingers crossed. I am hoping for positive outcome from my motilium.

May Allah bless you all :) 

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Kembara Hati Emas Tshirt

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I am so happy today. I finally found Kembara's Konsert Hati Emas t-shirt on Carousell. And I straightaway grabbed it.  

I am genuinely happy. 

Yeayy, I did it, Hizami! 

Next, I'll hunt for Malay OLGA t-shirt pulak. Hugs. 

Friday, August 26, 2016


Can I hold you closer to me?
And to feel your warmth on me?
Split the second that I never think of you,
How impossible.

If tomorrow
Should you ask me 
For the world,
Somehow I'll get it. 
And I would sell my very soul
Without regret it.

For to live without your love,
Is impossible. 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Hydrotherapy for Baby

Assalamualaikum and Hello!

I took my baby out to Hippopo Baby Spa last Sunday. It was Hazeeq's very first swimming experience yeayy!! 

Mommy is sooo proud of you son! 

I love to see those cute little legs kicking and his fingers trying to grasp those toys. 

And this hydrotherapy thingy is good for the baby's development too! Some of them includes:

Boost up confidence
Develops coordination
Build muscle strength
Enhances well being
Relieves muscular tensions
Improve muscle tone and flexibility
Improve sleep patterns
Stimulate body balance and awareness
And soooo many more :)

Ok, now baby Hazeeq is a member already, for unlimited visits and massage sessions. Enjoy, baby boy!

Love you!

Monday, August 22, 2016

Dining Set

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I never thought it was really that hard to find a suitable dining set for your dining area huh. 

Because I'd love to keep it simple and minimal. But it is funny to see the simpler the design, the pricey they were. Sigh! 

Ikea's are a bit overrated honestly. Simple design like the Ingatorp comes with rm1.2k price tag - table only, excluding chairs. And Preben chair is RM455 each, if I need four of it, you do the math. 

Well honey, I'm not going to spend more than 3k for a dining set, as for a price like that, I can get myself a new leather sofa already. Or maybe, a cool, luxury escapism to the beach with my baby. 


But ultimately, having your own house is an indescribable feeling. Syukur alhamdulillah. Fefeeling Eric home decor tu :)

Random photo from my Gallery. 

Friday, August 19, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello:)
Sayang dia!

You are the best decision that I have ever made. 

I love you so muchos nachos nandos babe! 

Our son is lucky to have a great man like you as his daddy. And I promise I will take care of him, nurture him and love him unconditionally. 

My love to you doesn't even changed a bit. Instead they are getting stronger each day. 

I love you Zam Hizami. I always do. 

Awak syurga kita.  

Saturday, August 13, 2016


Hello :)

I went back to the gym, since 2 weeks ago. 

If you still remember, I signed up for 1 year gym membership last year, and put on hold when I was 1 month pregnant. 

So now is the perfect time to start. 

I figured out that my core strength is getting weak after pregnancy and delivery process. Yup, I lost my core. But I have my baby :)

So now I am focusing on gaining back my core (and toning my arms, abs and legs) and body balance. 

All the very best, Hanis!

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

August ninth

Assalamualaikum and Hello :) 

Random photo from my gallery. My dream kitchen. And dream do comes true.

Hazeeq my baby is now trying so hard to roll over. He can now lie on his side, justtt a little bit of effort more to finally roll over. 

I cant wait to come back home from work every single day, so that I could hug him and kiss him till the next morning, before I left him again for work. 

That's me; a working mom. 

Mommy is working really hard for you son. Be a good kid, be kind, be brave and smart just like daddy. 

I love you son. 

Monday, August 8, 2016


I used to believe in this. 

But now, I couldn't care less. 

I couldn't care less!

I order to survive in this extremely petrifying, money-hunger, daunting world; I should focus more on me and my family only. 

I could be mean 💅 *blow nails*

Thursday, August 4, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :) 

My son was still sleeping when I went out for work earlier today. What a face. Innocent and sweet. 

Sometimes, when I looked back all the things that I have went through, I cant believe that I could be this strong. 

A lot of things happened. But I didnt shed one single tear at all when I gave birth to my son. Being alone, sad, confuse, terrified; all I know is Allah is with me. 

I wish I could keep this strong heart as long as I lived. 

People can call me anything. Yup, even people who didnt really know me, and didnt even met me; called me a bitch. Lol. Babe, if I tell you the truth, you will cry. Haha. 

But anyway, I always forgive them all. Yes you are forgiven too :)

It's just that, dont be a judgmental kid. We dont judge people. Dont say bad words to other people, as maybe one day you will end up being like one. 

Simple example; you called someone a stalker, now you too :)

From my blog statistics:

Visitor from Kluang : 130 visits :)

Thanks a bunch, hence the smiley. 

Wednesday, August 3, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Now that I have moved to my new house, it means that I need to drive early morning to the office too; so that I didnt caught in the traffic jam. 

My new daily routine starts from 4.30am. Golek golek, mandi, solat, breakfast and then off to my office at 6.30am. 

But I am wayyyy happier. 

So this morning I was listening to Truly by  Mr Richie, all the way from home to office. 

I miss you. 

How are you babe? Do you miss me too? 

I think a lot about you, everyday. I miss you, every moment. 

Do you still remember what you've said to me when I came home from work before? 

"You ada baru I rasa bernyawa"

I miss you Hizami.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

My New House

Assalamualaikum and Hello ;)

I am so happy that IKEA has restocked their Kallax. Thank Godddd.

Right now I am a bit busy decorating my new house. It is a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom  condo, with huge window panel, separate dry and wet kitchen and the most important thing is; it is a condusive place for my son to grow up. Fist-bump, sayang mommy! 

The idea of my home deco is - minimalist. I always love to keep it that way. White and minimal. So, the walls are coated in white, white tv rack, white coffee table, shiny white marbles for the floor, dark grey fabric sofa, all from IKEA, except for the floor lah.

But I am thinking about changing my current fabric sofa into black, leather sofa. 

So at the moment, I just have to look for the suitable dining set, and matchy carpet to set everything into harmony. 

I love my new house! 

Monday, July 25, 2016

My Son

Assalamualaikum and Hello,

Hazeeq Redzuan my big guy is almost 2 months yeayy! Darling, ever since you popped into this world, my life has been filled with diapers and my nights has turned to days lol. 

You are a strong little human. 

You completes me. 

Mommy would do anything for you and mommy will work really hard for us. 

I love you, son. 

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Hunting for a Home

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I am thinking about having my own house. I mean, buying a house.

As I am not the landed property type of person, my interest skewed more to condominiums or apartments.

I have went through many property websites and basically condos or apartments here in Petaling Jaya would costs RM400k above.

Well, if I compare the square feets and that price, I would say it is super pricey. But hey, what do you expect from PJ area?

I am interested in one SOFO condominium in Kelana Jaya. I love the place since it is highly accessible; close to KL, close to Subang Jaya, Shah Alam, Puchong and everything. But the price starts from 600k.

Maybe I should do my house-hunting more seriously. If 10% deposits should be taken into consideration, I might say it is not an issue at all for me. The only issue is - oh wait, I have no issue at all. lol.

Good luck Hanis.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Nine Hundred Kilos

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Yesterday I woke up at 4am, took shower, wait for Subuh prayer and then I was off to JB. 

The highway was empty. It was only me, and couple of cars. And I was driving alone; as I strictly wants Hazeeq to just stay at home.

So, that long journey was filled with flashbacks and the danna's favorite playlists. Started from the classical love songs up to his favorite bands. Layan semua. And it was a perfect time for me to cry too :)

I reached JB at 8am, drove straight ahead to Pejabat Agama Johor to settle few things with the Kadi, and drove all the way back to PJ after that. Phew!

It was a long drive. 

But I still looks good :)

Winks *blow nails*

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Remembering You

Assalamualaikum sayang.

You used to asked me this:

"Kenapa dalam blog you semua cerita yang sweet sweet je pasal I? Kenapa you tak cerita pasal kita gaduh ke, cerita you merajuk ke semua tu?"

And my answer was:

"So that bila I nak merajuk lagi dengan you, I will read back all the stories and remind myself about what makes me fall in love with you and how sweet we both used to be."

And you smiled. 

Babe I am so going to keep this blog for our son. Later he will know how much do we love each other, and how much do we love him. 

Love you danna. 


Tuesday, July 5, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello,

Random photo from my gallery.

I am now currently in JB, maybe for a couple of weeks before going back to PJ again for Hazeeq's check up. 

Since tomorrow is the Eid, I would like to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Do enjoy your raya with your loved ones :)

About the above photo, I would say NARS Sheer Glow Foundation and Orgasm blush is my holy grail ever. They are obviously a keeper. I'm glad that I purchased those items and I am going to stick with NARS from now on. 😚


Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Jiwa, Raga dan Segalanya

Untuk Dia.

Janganlah Kau lebihkan rinduku padanya melebihi rinduku padaMu Tuhan.

Janganlah Kau lebihkan kasihku padanya melebihi kasihku padaMu Tuhan.

Dan jangan pula Engkau biarkan cintaku padanya melebihi cintaku padaMu.

Kerana rindu, kasih dan cintaku padanya tak akan wujud tanpa Engkau.

Sesungguhnya aku serahkan segala padaMu Tuhan. Hinanya aku, hanyut dalam duniawi. Hinanya aku, suatu masa dahulu aku lupa padaMu. 

Padahal Engkaulah yang mengetahui segalanya.

Sadarkan aku, Tuhan. 
Tunjukkan aku jalan yang lurus.
Istiqamahkanlah aku. 

Terimalah aku. 
Aku berserah.

Adakah Kau terima penyerahan ku dalam keadaan ini, Ya Allah?

Wednesday, June 22, 2016



Rindu ni bagaikan tak tertanggung. 

Air mata ni; mengalir sendiri. 

Murah betul untuk awak. 

Jiwa kita ni; pergi bersama awak. Yang tinggal hanya jasad; kosong.

Cuma bahu kita ni; ada tanggungjawab. Yang entah boleh ke tidak kita pikul.

Sakit, awak. 

Menanggung rindu.

Awak pun rasa macam tu?

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

7th January 2011

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I still remember our very first met.

It was Friday. You told me that you will fetch me after Solat Jumaat. And I said ok.

I went out to get my hair done, I picked my favourite baby blue floral dress, matched with my fav nude cardigan, and matching black quilted flats and sling bag. No make up; because I don't know how to put them on. Haha. And I was wearing my CK perfume on that day. 

After Solat Jumaat you called me and said you are already at the carpark, waiting for me. Babe, I was so nervous; I didn't even dare to see you right after I went out from the lift. 

Yea, I heard the sound of your car but I was hiding somewhere because I was afraid. :)

After like, 10 mins, I walked out and nervously said 'hye' to you (you are waiting inside the car) and I saw you smile. Big smile. 

It was 6 years ago.

And the rest is history. 

6 years and my love to you is getting stronger. 

I really love you, husband. As I always jokingly told you; 'my love for you is so deep that the ocean would be jealous.'

I really love you. 



Sunday, June 12, 2016

Where are you?

Assalamualaikum and Hello,

I am no longer in denial. 

People say grieving is only a process; and every process should have an end. But for me, grieving is not a process. There is no end. It is not something that I must complete. It is not a task that I have to finish. 

Grieve is something that I need to endure. It takes a lot of strength for me to  readjust myself with my new way of seing, to continue my life with a feeling like 'something missing'.

I will continue to grieve and I will grieve as much as I want. No one knows how much am I hurting. It hurts. So bad. 

No words can even comfort me. 

So at this exteremely weeping stage, just let me be with Him, and my baby. May Allah heals me. 

Friday, June 3, 2016

Yang Sebenar Benarnya


Hamba yang sebenar-benarnya hamba.

Tuhan ajari itu.

Untuk menerima, mengerti, memahami, menghayati keindahan takdirNya. 

Terima kasih, Tuhan. 

Untuk segala peluang, pemberian, petunjuk dariMu; yang menarik diri ini agar kembali merindui yang Satu. 

Muhammad Hazeeq Redzuan. 

Selamat datang, bersama Ramadhan.


Friday, May 27, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello..

I still don't have the gut to open my photo gallery. Too many memories inside; and for this time being, it makes me cry.

Thank you for being so strong, stronger than what I thought you could be, stronger than what you thought you could be, so strong that you fought till your very last breath. 

And I am currently being attack by millions of flashbacks - of you, of us, of your words, of your spirit, of our hopes, our plans, and everything that remains. 

Please wait for me, husband. 
I promise I'll do good, I'll be good, and I will be a good mother to our son. 

Please wait for me, one day we will meet again; and this time it will be forever. 

I really love you. Dunia, akhirat. 

Sunday, May 22, 2016



Seandainya benar Kau ingin menjemput dia kembali, izinkan aku menyusul kemudian juga. 

Aku merayu.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

I spend the day at home today. Work from home - in front of the TV, wearing my unglamorous baju tidur, and messy hair bun. 

I feel incomplete. 

I miss the danna so badly. I miss to see him walking across the room, being lazy on the sofa, his clumsiness in the kitchen, and his laughter. 

He, inspire me a lot. 

He always push me to be a better person. He strategised everything so that I could go higher and further. He motivates me. He's everything to me. 

I miss you everyday. 
Not a second goes by without me calling your name.

I just, miss you. :)

Monday, May 2, 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Yup, still struggling with back pain. But it is ok.

Random photo from my gallery.

Pregnancy update: 
Baby kicks are getting harder. 
I laughed when I saw someone was like twirling around inside; how magical.
I cant wait to welcome the baby into this world but at the same time I am sooo going to miss these moments that I am currently facing right now.

Personal update:
Put aside all those body aches and discomforts; I can say that I am feeling more content and relaxed nowadays. 
Now I have learned about kifarah, and I am blessed to know that He never forgets me. 
And I can see some people who used to say bad things about me etc; are now xxxxxxxxxxx. :) no need to say, God knows.
Despite the hard times that I have went through, I am glad that I was with the danna and proves him that I'll be with him; rain or sunshine. 

Me love ya, my man!

Sunday, May 1, 2016

May 1

Assalamualaikum and Hello :)

Alhamdulillah for everything. 

Recently I am having back pain, and it kinda restrict my daily routines. Thus, my gynae gave me a letter telling that I am not fit for office works and suggest me to work from home. Yeay. 

So instead of sitting up straight and do my job, now I can do it by laying down on my bed, or while chilling on my sofa, and it is obviously a bless :) 

Right now mama is here in the house, and suddenly this little bun inside here is being so manja; nak muntah muntah la, nak cramp la, nak false contraction la, nak being tired all day long la, and mama is being so helpful; just like every other moms would do to their kids. 

About the cramping, it was so intense; starts from my back and radiates to my lower abdomen, making me unable to stand up straight or walk. Yup, no one said it is going to be easy, so I guess I just have to stay strong :)

For baby and daddy.

I miss the danna so badly. 
And I need him more than anything in this world. 
Especially at times like this. 

I miss you, sweetheart. 



Friday, April 15, 2016

Putrajaya and Secrets

Assalamualaikum and hello :)

I am currently at Putrajaya. Bitter place. 

So many things happened here; which I didn't fancy to recall. 

Secret will remain a secret as long as no one spit it out. Well, I am a good secret keeper maybe, and I didn't bother at all to talk about the past. 

Just let everything remains secret. 


Tuesday, April 12, 2016

After the Storm

Assalamualaikum and Hello :) 

I'm home! No more hospital visits at least for this moment, parents in law are here in the house, sister in law is here too and I am happy! 

Pregnancy update: I got swollen feet, backpain is getting intense, I got tired easily, kicks getting harder (but it makes me laugh), toilet trips are getting more frequent, and currently awaiting approval to work from home (yeayy??).

Honestly I never thought that I could survived. Actually, WE. I never thought that me and le baby could be this strong from day one. The strength that He gave me was - amazingly robust, hearty and firm. 

Of course there were times where I break down (emotionally) but I quickly recovered after that. God gave me strength so that I could take care of the people that I love and needs me. Alhamdulillah. 

So now we are slowly getting back to the pace, slowly but steadily. 

There are more to come in the future; just have faith, things are getting better each day, and never stop from being kind and gentle to those who needs. 

Proud of ya, Hanis! 

Goodnight! :)

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