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Assalamualaikum and Hello This time I will write in Malay; so, Malay it is! “Akak ada breast cancer, stage 3 dah..” “Tahun lepas...

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Monologue


Tonight I am a different person.


I am not that energetic, highly spirited Hanis. 


Tonight I am a dull, tired, emotional Hanis. 


I am tired. 


Extremely tired.


But I can't show it. 


I don't think I can go through this. I feel like scream my lungs out so people would know that I am fatigue. 


The only strength that I have is my baby. 

Sometimes I forgot that I am pregnant until he kicks me gently; telling me to slow down and take some time for myself too. 


Ya Allah, aku terima ujian dariMu. 

Kau kurniakanlah aku dengan kesabaran demi menjalani hari hari yang mendatang,  Kau kurniakanlah aku dengan sentuhan yang menenangkan hati yang sakit, Kau kurniakanlah aku dengan senyuman yang  menggembirakan jiwa yang resah, dan Kau kurniakanlah aku kekuatan dikala aku hampir rebah. 

Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

The Morning


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)




Feels like I just fall asleep, and suddenly morning comes. 

I wish I can have longer night, so I can have more time with the danna. 

My feelings are all mixed up. I am afraid, relieved, nervous, and sometimes; numb. 

I know the upcoming days would be all pain and tears again but I need to be strong. 

I've made it before and I know I can go through this too no matter what. 

I lay down all my worries in His arm. 

Stay strong, Hanis. 

Friday, March 18, 2016

March 2016


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)


Happy Daddy is happy. 


March is the Me-month. Bulan untuk memanjakan diri because it is my birthday month. 

Last year I used to spend extra money on beauty items and multiple salon visits and so much more but this time I would spend more for this little work in progress inside of me. 

Motherhood changes me; in a good way.

I started to see things in a different way too. 

Life experience has tought me a lot of things. And recently I learned a lot about pain and sacrifices. 

I used to be a medical student. And in fact, I am still practising medical knowledge in my career. I treat people as human, regardless of their skin color and race. I treat people as human, not as cancer patient or kidney failure patient or some auto immune disease patient. I treat people as an individual, unique and has their own definition of life, no matter where their life destination leads to. 

When I was younger, maybe around my early 20s where I was enthusiasts and hunger for knowledge and experience, I always remind myself that I want to be someone who makes the ride smoother.

Imagine life as a fast moving train. Each people has their own train. But with no station, only one definite end. Some people would go through bumpy journey, some would see gloomy views and some would go through it with pain. And I want to be a person who makes the road less bumpy, I want to make the view nicer and I want to make the person feel less painful. 

I think, God has given me the opportunities to decorate someone else's gloomy view. I learned about pain. To see someone that you love living with pain is unacceptable. To be in pain means to live with strong emotion. Emotion is the fog of illness. It suffocates and obscures the path ahead. 

I try to be a presence in the fog; and give my hands to hold and my shoulder to lean on. 

I am hoping for strength. A strong heart to witness all the blood, pain and tears. 

And for those who are in a battle, please be strong. Just because you never seen us crying with you, it doesnt mean that we never cry at all. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Cibong


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)


Bangun pagi, tengok ada budak ni atas badan:


Almost 4 years together. Peneman suka duka. Penghibur hati. Nanti tolong mommy jaga baby k, budak baik? 







Sayangnyaaa dekat dia ni :)


Saturday, March 12, 2016

Dress the Bump


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)



I find that it is getting harder to dress this bump each day. 


Anything with waist band makes me feel suffocated; so no more pants or skirts for this time being. 


Looks like I am going to fill my wardrobe with dresses, loose T's, and maybe my husband's shirt :)


Have a great weekend, people!  

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Last Friday


Assalamualaikum and Hello :)


Last Friday le husband came to my office and took me out for a lunch date. Lama dah kita tak keluar lunch date masa office hours kan! :)








Thank you sebab belanja kita lunch, husband! 

This momma and our little bun in the oven was sooo happy :)



And you looks good too in your baju melayu. 


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